Weekly Special: This is Me Loving You

October 22, 2010 § 1 Comment

My 2-year-old nurses a lot these days. I keep saying I feel like I’m nursing a newborn again.

I keep hoping for more of a break, more time alone, more, more, more. I think that if I only had that, I would blah, blah, blah. That’s only partially true. In my case, sometimes I just need a change of heart.

I’ve been trying to speed up Josh putting baby brother to bed at night, and it’s still not happening. Some might say that my rushing into the room when my toddler is screaming for me doesn’t help, and I’m fine with that. When I hear him crying the way he does I just don’t have it in me to prioritize the process over his need for closeness with me.

Last night, as Josh took him upstairs, he started screaming for me immediately. He knew what was going on and he didn’t like it one bit. I could hear him screaming all the way up, even through Josh’s attempt at a story. It wasn’t working. Baby brother wasn’t in the mood for it.

Finally, after several visits from my little boy, and hearing his screaming peak, I ran upstairs and nursed him. His light nursing sometimes gets to me so we decided we’d do car bedtime.

He got to nurse, so he was okay with this scenario. Bilingual baby, who has been going to bed pretty late, wasn’t so much, but came around shortly.

By the way, her flexibility and willingness is my current prize for patiently (mostly, anyway) listening to her vent when she needs to.

After the kids fell asleep during the drive, we pulled them in and baby brother woke up to ask me to take off his shoes. I did and put him in bed where he started to scream for mimi. I uttered a gutteral Ugh and nursed him back to sleep.

Sometimes, he’ll actually break off from nursing to say, “I love you.” Last night, this was the best I could do. It wasn’t a romantic picture. It wasn’t the loving embrace. It was a half-hearted nursing session I wished I didn’t have to perform. I was annoyed and mad and resentful. And I could still tell that I loved my little nurser.

As rocky as yesterday went for me in general, kids, this is me loving you. Thanks for your patience.

And to lighten things up, here’s a cartoon of a dad putting his kid to bed.

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§ One Response to Weekly Special: This is Me Loving You

  • Resi says:

    I can relate so much to the nursing all the time. My two year old nurses more than he did as a newborn some days! I still love our nursing relationship but sometimes I’d like a little break from it. Mine has to be nursed to sleep for naps and bedtime too.

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