Weekly Special is Back!: This is me loving you

October 15, 2010 § 4 Comments

We were coloring.
I bring crayons.
Markers are demanded.

Again, they are demanded. Not crayons! Not crayons!

I figure I should just put the whole thing away and bilingual baby can get upset and cry and I’ll fell like I’ve won. I’ve made it clear that I’m the parent and she cannot demand things from me, because clearly in the adult world, adults don’t make any kind of demands. (Read with sarcasm.)

We just happened to be coloring one of the pages from the Ruhi Children’s Classes– with the quote from Baha’u’llah’s Hidden Words that says:

O SON OF MAN! Humble thyself before Me, that I may graciously visit thee.

That’s where my irritation stops. I swallowed my “I’m the parent. You don’t tell ME what to do” and go downstairs to get the markers.

I figure that if bilingual baby were someone else, not family, not a kid, not I don’t know what, I’d probably grant her request without thinking twice. When you really love someone, you do all sorts of things for them, and you ask nothing in return. Why not do the same with my kids? The fact that she sounds a certain way when she declares she needs markers instead of crayons rubs me the wrong way every time. Would I be rude to a friend who made the same request? In that same tone of voice? I might just figure they were having a bad day and move on. I’d offer all the crayons, markers, and colored pencils I had.

The lesson was for me, again.

I was there to learn humility. Bilingual baby might take something from this incident. Maybe she’ll take nothing “home”. She seems to already get that being nice to people feels good on both ends, so perhaps its working.

Note: Giving myself these lessons and personal character notes in the moment drains me almost completely. Like when Jean Grey uses Cerebro in the first XM movie and needs help standing back up. That’s how much it takes from me. Luckily, I don’t have these intense interactions every single day, and I also don’t take the time at every single event to find out what is at the heart of my annoyance. When I do take the time, it’s incredibly rewarding.

I tell ya one thing. Having a nearly 4 year old is very different from anything prior. If your kid is younger, hang in there.

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§ 4 Responses to Weekly Special is Back!: This is me loving you

  • Megan says:

    Just a few seconds ago Ara asked me to thread her needle. I had asked for a little mummy rest…how little is little? and surly you don’t mean that i can’t interact with you.
    How do i give more but feel like I’ve still got some of me left for me.
    http://www.transformativeparenting.com/why-children-need-rest-how-to-provide-it/
    have you read this one?

  • Chase Young says:

    What a beautiful post. Thank you for reminding me, not only go give without expecting anything in return, but to know that I am not really “giving in” when I too, get the markers out when I would rather my daughters used the crayons. Thank you.

  • Leila says:

    Thanks, Megan. I like the talk this guy gave. Thanks for the link. It’s quite in line with my current thinking. Wow.

    One of the ways I feel like I have enough to pass around and still some for me, is by asking for others to “fill me up”. That’s when I usually call my sisters, a friend, my husband, my parents, and usually I can get back on track. Can’t beat a great big hug from someone you love.

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