Weekly Special: This is Me Loving You

October 22, 2010 § 1 Comment

My 2-year-old nurses a lot these days. I keep saying I feel like I’m nursing a newborn again.

I keep hoping for more of a break, more time alone, more, more, more. I think that if I only had that, I would blah, blah, blah. That’s only partially true. In my case, sometimes I just need a change of heart.

I’ve been trying to speed up Josh putting baby brother to bed at night, and it’s still not happening. Some might say that my rushing into the room when my toddler is screaming for me doesn’t help, and I’m fine with that. When I hear him crying the way he does I just don’t have it in me to prioritize the process over his need for closeness with me.

Last night, as Josh took him upstairs, he started screaming for me immediately. He knew what was going on and he didn’t like it one bit. I could hear him screaming all the way up, even through Josh’s attempt at a story. It wasn’t working. Baby brother wasn’t in the mood for it.

Finally, after several visits from my little boy, and hearing his screaming peak, I ran upstairs and nursed him. His light nursing sometimes gets to me so we decided we’d do car bedtime.

He got to nurse, so he was okay with this scenario. Bilingual baby, who has been going to bed pretty late, wasn’t so much, but came around shortly.

By the way, her flexibility and willingness is my current prize for patiently (mostly, anyway) listening to her vent when she needs to.

After the kids fell asleep during the drive, we pulled them in and baby brother woke up to ask me to take off his shoes. I did and put him in bed where he started to scream for mimi. I uttered a gutteral Ugh and nursed him back to sleep.

Sometimes, he’ll actually break off from nursing to say, “I love you.” Last night, this was the best I could do. It wasn’t a romantic picture. It wasn’t the loving embrace. It was a half-hearted nursing session I wished I didn’t have to perform. I was annoyed and mad and resentful. And I could still tell that I loved my little nurser.

As rocky as yesterday went for me in general, kids, this is me loving you. Thanks for your patience.

And to lighten things up, here’s a cartoon of a dad putting his kid to bed.

Weekly Special is Back!: This is me loving you

October 15, 2010 § 4 Comments

We were coloring.
I bring crayons.
Markers are demanded.

Again, they are demanded. Not crayons! Not crayons!

I figure I should just put the whole thing away and bilingual baby can get upset and cry and I’ll fell like I’ve won. I’ve made it clear that I’m the parent and she cannot demand things from me, because clearly in the adult world, adults don’t make any kind of demands. (Read with sarcasm.)

We just happened to be coloring one of the pages from the Ruhi Children’s Classes– with the quote from Baha’u’llah’s Hidden Words that says:

O SON OF MAN! Humble thyself before Me, that I may graciously visit thee.

That’s where my irritation stops. I swallowed my “I’m the parent. You don’t tell ME what to do” and go downstairs to get the markers.

I figure that if bilingual baby were someone else, not family, not a kid, not I don’t know what, I’d probably grant her request without thinking twice. When you really love someone, you do all sorts of things for them, and you ask nothing in return. Why not do the same with my kids? The fact that she sounds a certain way when she declares she needs markers instead of crayons rubs me the wrong way every time. Would I be rude to a friend who made the same request? In that same tone of voice? I might just figure they were having a bad day and move on. I’d offer all the crayons, markers, and colored pencils I had.

The lesson was for me, again.

I was there to learn humility. Bilingual baby might take something from this incident. Maybe she’ll take nothing “home”. She seems to already get that being nice to people feels good on both ends, so perhaps its working.

Note: Giving myself these lessons and personal character notes in the moment drains me almost completely. Like when Jean Grey uses Cerebro in the first XM movie and needs help standing back up. That’s how much it takes from me. Luckily, I don’t have these intense interactions every single day, and I also don’t take the time at every single event to find out what is at the heart of my annoyance. When I do take the time, it’s incredibly rewarding.

I tell ya one thing. Having a nearly 4 year old is very different from anything prior. If your kid is younger, hang in there.

The night you wish you could take a little crying

October 12, 2010 § 3 Comments

I’m sitting down in the basement hoping bedtime can be done by Josh and that the kids will be okay but it’s just not happening. You think a tired 2-year-old will just conk out before 9pm, but there he goes, still.

No want Papi.

Papi, I want Mami now.

And the crying stops. I can hear Josh reading a book. This has baby brother’s attention.

Why don’t I want to do bedtime? Basically, I need someone to put me to bed. I’m overtaxed, over-touched, and don’t feel like nursing.

I hear the end of the story upstairs and the crying starts up again. I’m not made of stone, nor do I have it in me to just let him cry. I’m pushing myself to wait one more minute because I really am exhausted. Apparently not exhausted enough that I’m getting ready to just go up there and nurse him into sleepy bliss.

I know Josh should get a chance to put both kids to sleep, but at what cost? At the boy’s expense? What’s he even thinking right now, as he cries for my presence?

Ok. I can’t take it. I’ll finish this entry after everyone is asleep- let you know how it went.

I started to head up when the crying stopped. I’ll give it another couple of minutes. It’s getting so late for him… wouldn’t you think he’d be wiped and eager to snooze? Well?

This is one of the biggest misunderstandings regarding kids (well, the biggest tonight): Skipped naps don’t mean early bedtime.

Write that one down, people. It’s for reals. For. Reals.

Kids are both asleep. I went in the bedroom, nursed baby brother for about 2 minutes and he was out. In the meantime, bilingual baby cuddled up against my back and passed out, too. To top it off, I think Josh fell asleep for a second or two as well.

Feeling a little like the Mom Hero of the story. (Don’t worry. When the nap doesn’t happen tomorrow, I’ll be singing the Anti-Hero song.)

How tinymouse designs got it’s logo

October 12, 2010 § Leave a comment

It seems only fit to talk about logos after the whole Gap thing. If you didn’t hear, the Gap decided to change their logo to much less interesting, much more blegch one, only to go back to the original one- the one everyone recognizes and is actually a well done one, after about 4 days of the new but not improved logo.

Moving on, cos I really hope nobody lost any sleep about that.

A woman I met about 4 years ago in Chicago (who now lives in Haifa, Israel) was generous enough to create a logo for my tinymouse designs stuff. If you’ve been to my tinymouse page on facebook or have seen my Etsy page, you know what I’m talking about. Her blog, Mojan Sami, states she’s a design imbecile. I’ll pause so you can laugh.

Mojan is awesome. She’s got an eye for design and if you have any interest in seeing what she sees, follow her blog.

One of the things you’ll find on her blog is a little bit about me and her design for tinymouse designs. Check it out, but don’t believe one word about me being sweet. It’s totally not true. I’m awesome. Okay. Now I’ll wait for the laughing to stop.

So, to recap. Check out Mojan’s design blog, her post about tinymouse, and then go take a nap or a jog or something.

Enjoying the Monon Trail

October 10, 2010 § Leave a comment

It’s been a beautifully sunny week here in Indy. I just

can’t believe how hot the sun feels, even on a 60 degree (F) day. I’ve forgotten what sun feels like. It makes me want to bask in it all day, while sipping iced tea or lemonade. It also makes me want to nap, an activity that is always thwarted by the care of children.

Josh got some sort of flu this week and it really kicked him down for 2 whole days (and then some). It was nice to hear him up and about this morning, talking to the kids and readying the weekend waffles. His exhaustion meant that the kids and I did our thing. We went exploring and got some more unpacking done. I didn’t believe how much sewing stuff I have and have inherited until this move.

By the way, I inherited a bunch of vintage sewing patterns. Some are really worth saving- others just make me feel like mocking a whole decade. You decide which. I’m gonna have to join the blogging sewers and show you photos of my new sewing space. I doubt I’ll inspire anything. I just wanna brag that I have a sewing space that’s not the kitchen table- though we put the old kitchen table in the sewing room and I have two sewing machines on it. So, I guess I haven’t upgraded that much.

Yesterday, Josh decided he wanted to get out of the house and go for a walk on the Monon Trail. That was fun, but it definitely went slower than he had intended. Hehe. Isn’t that always the case with kids. They’re so interested in the journey and not just the destination.

Both the kids were also up and down between the stroller, walking and the Podaegi. Here’s a picture of me wearing baby brother (with those long 2 year old legs). He was almost asleep, but didn’t actually fall asleep until an hour or so later. Can you even tell he’s nursing? Haha!

Indianapolis is Home Now

October 7, 2010 § Leave a comment

The move went well. The movers were great. Well, except for the Indy local guy who decided he should sit in the dining room and empty his stinky shoe on the floor. I guess I was asking for too much, right?

I have a ton of before and after pictures I’m wanting to upload so you can see how the rooms looked before our stuff filled them up. It’s kind of fun just to look at them on the camera. The boxes cluttered a lot up and finally, with everything put away, you can see table tops and such.

I met up with a mom I met on the Mothering.com forums. I also went to knit with the sister of a friend of Josh’s. While there I met a mom of two, who also has an older daughter and younger son. Her kids are a tad younger than mine, but I still left her with my number so we could knit (and possibly sew) together someday.

I’m going to try to make the LLL meeting next week as well as the homebirth group meeting. The homebirth group is going to watch the movie Babies which I saw with a dear friend in Montpelier… in the theater, no less. It’s an evening affair and I’m hoping the whole family will want to go. Josh hasn’t seen the movie.

There are a ton of things to do at home, too. I’ve got an order to finish up for a Vermont friend’s daughter, as well as a couple of other projects of my own to complete. I really want to make some more podaegis. Especially after uploading a how-to video on my tinymouse designs facebook page. Check it out. Josh recorded the music and I added a minute of one of his songs. It works on so many levels. Makes me a big sad seeing the little baby I’m holding and knowing that his mom, one of best friends in Vermont was holding the camera. Sigh.

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