Weekly Special: This is me loving you
August 13, 2010 § 1 Comment
If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you know that my son has a good time (as I’m sure he’d put it if he had the vocabulary). Sometimes it’s hard to see his point of view, or even see the positive in what I’m feeling.
One day this week, I was having a really hard time with everything. I couldn’t react well to save my life. I was in a slump.
While I was feeling sorry for myself, a thought pulled me out. It was the memory of being in the hospital, completely dehydrated from gastroenteritis, pregnant with baby brother, his vitals tachycardic and nobody doing anything about it in the ER. I was so weak, and so incredibly helpless.
I had been throwing up everything, including any fluids I tried to down to replenish the loss. Nothing worked. So, Josh had to rush me to the ER, and let them take care of me. My midwife, my guardian angel, stayed with me all day (on and off). She was the one who pushed that the medical staff check on my baby. I had been left in the ER room for 5-6 hours before they even did anything. It was ridiculous. In the moment, it was scary. Very scary.
Looking at this little boy, who is quickly growing into a talking kid, I think of that handful of days, and how quickly life can draw to a close. I don’t want to forget that, or misplace my love for my very active toddler. Scott Noelle calls it the scarcity principle– for instance, we think that love is scarce and “carefully ration [our] limited supply.” If I’ve been given jobs in my life where I wasn’t sure of my capacity to complete the tasks and thought that my employer was nuts, I have to imagine that mothering is God’s ultimate leap of faith.
I’m thankful this whiny, clingy, toy throwing boy is in my life. I’m so thankful.