14 years

February 10, 2010 § 2 Comments

My childhood friend, Zorana, was born February 10th, 1978. Had she survived the car crash that took her life, she’d be 32 today. It’s been 14 years since the day she passed into the next world.

The day it happened is very clear. I don’t have clear memories but this one shakes with clarity. I was at my friend’s house studying for finals- I was in my second year of University. Nobody knew where to reach me. I wasn’t home. My roommate didn’t know where I was studying and it was before cellphones.

Eventually, I got the call. My friend was at work so I naturally drove there and told her all about it. She let me stay at her house while I wasn’t feeling up to being alone. My boyfriend at the time, now a close friend, came over and took care of me. I had to take an incomplete with my last final. I just couldn’t concentrate.

I went up for her funeral. She was living in Seattle at the time, performing with a dance troupe. The funeral was hard. My sisters were there. They sobbed. I held. Zorana’s sister knows me and knew what I needed. She invited me to go thru Zorana’s stuff and organize it. In going thru tons of papers, business cards, etc, we found a piece of paper that detailed how to convert a pair of jeans into a backpack. Made us both laugh.

I can’t say I don’t cry every once in a while. Still. The overall feeling of loss comes and goes. It came when I gave birth to bilingual baby. And then again when I gave birth to baby brother. She’d never meet them, I thought. But then I realized she would. Sometime.

The thought of another life, beyond this one, where our bodies are of no use, is very comforting. I strongly believe that once we die from this world we are in essence born into the next, and continue this process endlessly. So, I’m bound to reunite with Zorana when my time comes.


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