Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
May 8, 2009 § 5 Comments
Last two days were the hardest I’ve had so far, with one child or two. I have to add that having one child (your first) is as hard as having two. So don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’m in such a daze I don’t know where to begin. Do I go step by step and tell you all the “things” that happened? Nah. It’s an in the moment sort of thing that happens. I wonder if any of it would translate and make sense in words. Plus, once written, it all sounds so trivial and I’d like to retain some level of dignity.
The obvious: I didn’t react the best way possible. I walked away and tried to ignore the annoying stuff bilingual baby kept doing.
What’s hidden: My fears that I was turning into the memory of a person, or rather a mishmash of persons, who weren’t there for me thru childhood.
The mainstream: I did turn out “just fine” and my kids will deal. They seem happy enough.
A sensitive approach: There are fears and times of growth when my kids need me more than ever.
In conclusion I want to dissolve my own fears about the person I’ve seen myself to be: insensitive and controlling. I want to build myself back up to the person I know I can be: sensitive and responsive.
I’m feeling very vulnerable and within that vulnerability I’ve found reasons to work even harder, regardless of how little sleep I’m getting. One realization I had yesterday that makes sense of all bilingual baby’s whining and turning on a dime, is that she’s been hungry a lot lately. I wonder if she’s going through a growth spurt. I also see that she’s been learning how to get her socks on as well as using the big toilet. Oh, and jumping. She’s learning how to jump. Pretty big deal around here. It would explain all the food preparation in lieu of a nap (which is why I’m so tired) and the roller coaster ride emotional spills. It took me two days to figure this out. Two days of “please, no” over and over again, and “that’s too much for mama”. I cried a lot out of desperation and feel emotionally drained. But, with my new found realizations I think I can maneuver myself into the weekend with a steeled resolve.
Here are some ideas I got from Sarah’s Waldorf Playroom
Six Things to Include in Your Child’s Day:
• meaningful work
• imaginative play
• good books
• beauty (art, music, nature)
• ideas to ponder and discuss
The meaningful work is really a life saver. I truly believe that a lot of the “acting up” that kids do is because they want adults to do something interesting, as in laundry, dishes, gardening… you know. Real work, not just pretend play- which they obviously need to do, too. Once I get the reminder and am back to including bilingual baby into my chores she resets and we’re back to a smoother day.