Tandem nursing feelings
April 7, 2009 § 8 Comments
Nothing can make up for sincere breastfeeding support. I mean, I do own a number of books on the topic and recently bought myself a copy of Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flower but it can only help so much. Why do I need help? Well, this tandem nursing gig is something else. It challenges every bit of me and in feeling raw and vulnerable I am less willing to admit to our current state of affairs.
I can imagine it’s hard to come up with a reply to my complaints. We do live in a weaning culture. Is there a problem in the child? the mother isn’t getting rest? the father wants the nursing to stop? The nursing invariably gets blamed. I consider my difficulties with tandeming to be like any relationship. It’s hard at times and easy at times. If our nursing years are the foundation for our relationship, I want to make it through the thick and thin of it. I want to find a way to understand and grow from the natural feelings of guilt at cutting a feeding short or distracting instead of nursing. I also want to revel in the sweetness of my girl who knows she’s big and little and will sometimes cuddle up and close her eyes to nurse, just like she did when she was tiny. It’s very sweet.
Bottling things up is a habit I have long left behind but venting and sharing when I can isn’t something I can do; nor is it something most can tolerate before telling me I should wean.
What’s the plan? Ride it out.
Disclaimer: Every nursing relationship is different. Obviously. How one mother copes is based on her individual thoughts, feelings and limits. My feelings of guilt at the thought of weaning my 2 year old are my own. I know Dr. Sears and his clan say that I shouldn’t feel bad and that it’s a rite of passage- one of many. Well, I respect the guy in many ways but he has never nursed a child and therefore how could he understand the coctail of feelings a mother has? Impossible. It’s also impossible for one mother to fully understand another’s true feelings regarding her nursing relationship(s). It’s our job to support via listening and respect- regardless of the natural judgement we may feel.