The “no baby yet” post
August 19, 2008 § 3 Comments
I got a little (translation: very) irked today at a social outing we went to. I was feeling like I needed to get out so that the days would pass and I wouldn’t be focused on what I wanted to have happen (i.e. be in labor). We had just arrived at our destination when I got that comment. If you’ve ever been past your due date you know what comment it is. It’s the “you haven’t had your baby yet” comment. I’m told that in Japan people don’t state the obvious. And right then I wished I had been in Japan, among the crowd that still believed in not stating the obvious.
This woman’s comment crushed me. But why would I care about what another mama has to say? Right? I’m plenty defensive when I want to be. Not when I’m pregnant. Not when what she said (and continued to say) was an echo of my own thoughts. (FYI: My close friends have had the decency not to make these comments and have been so supportive of my feelings during my pregnancy.) Does it matter what else she said? If you’re the type to look at the words and forget the feelings associated, then no, it doesn’t matter. But if you can see that I was feeling really worn down from all the Braxton-Hicks, all the insomnia, the overall tiredness, you’d know that what really made this softy sad was what I heard from inside myself. The fact that she said, “Last time I saw you, you thought you were going to go early” (to which I responded that my due date is 9/1); or that she punched in a “wishful thinking, huh” just made the whole outing sour.
I wanted to leave right away. I didn’t want to sit there and sulk. I wanted to sit at home and sulk. (Granted sulking isn’t really doable when you have a goofy toddler.) So, no. No baby yet. And let’s now pay respect to the Japanese for having the brilliance of not stating the obvious.
(Post title could also read: What not to say to a pregnant woman. It would also have to include comments like, “wow, you’re big” and negative birth/post-partum stories.)