Praying and tests

January 9, 2008 § Leave a comment

My Lord! My Lord! I praise Thee and I thank Thee for that whereby Thou hast favored Thine humble maidservant, Thy slave beseeching and supplicating Thee, because Thou hast verily guided her unto Thine obvious Kingdom and caused her to hear thine exalted Call in the contingent world and to behold thy Signs which prove the appearance of Thy victorious reign over all things.

O my Lord, I dedicate that which is in my womb unto Thee. Then cause it to be a praiseworthy child in Thy Kingdom and a fortunate one by Thy favor and Thy generosity; to develop and to grow up under the charge of Thine education. Verily, Thou art the Gracious! Verily, Thou art the Lord of Great Favor!

– ‘Abdu’l-Bahá

It was weird once I had bilingual baby in my arms to think that I wouldn’t be saying this prayer every day. It was a prayer that kept me company through my entire pregnancy with her. I like the fact that pregnancy tests you in every physical way possible. It something people who haven’t been through it just can’t grasp- bilingual papi recognized early on that he’d be going through mental tests during my pregnancy. Women with children try to explain pregnancy, labor and having a newborn to others and no words can ever match the feelings that come with the experience. There are no words that will suffice. No sigh deep enough. Nothing that will make my message clear enough. I feel anything I say will be misunderstood to mean something else.

While that last statement can be seen as a frustrating thing, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that it is only natural for it to happen. You’d have to be speaking to a reea to be speaking to a really good listener for it not to happen – but the alternative is never saying anything ever. I’m not one of them. For instance, I was sharing a concern of mine with someone I had connected with in the past and didn’t think they would jump to conclusions. Once I spoke, my concern was taken to mean something connected but not what was intended. My reaction was purely a connection of mine to one word they said and something bilingual papi and I had been talking about a couple days earlier. Don’t know if that makes sense, but in the heightened state of pregnancy, words seem weightier and what’s between the lines is an open book. In the end, no harm done.

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